Voices
by Libby-Jane
Summary: Emma is a phemomenon not only to her friends, and family, but also to the doctors who are comvinced she is imagining it all. she was always a but unsure until she met reilly, the boy who will change everything in such a profound way. please, please read
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1- **_**reminiscing **_

**I was outside a half closed door sitting in the hallway that had a strong smell of bleach and ammonia. Coming from the door I could hear whispering; my mum and the doctor were speaking about me. It was difficult to hear exactly what they were saying. I only heard the voice of the doctor say, "She is simply hearing--." **

**Mum came crashing out of the room in a flustered state.**

"**Let's go Emma!!" my mother was usually able to keep her cool when it came to these kinds of things, but when the doctors said something that was completely against what she thought, she reacted.**

"**Mum, calm down." I soothed**

"**stupid man! Idiot! He shouldn't be a doctor! I'll put gum on his plaque!" this was as mean as mum got! When she got really mad, she said things that were more or less very silly. She took a few deep breathes, smoothed down her ruffled dark hair and smiled. By the time we had reached the car and buckled both ourselves in, mum had calmed down.**

"**The doctor is just telling me the same story he has been telling me for the past ten years."**

"**It's alright mum, we'll find out eventually what it is and what's causing it." I said as reassuringly as I could; although I doubted that I'll ever know; I will die having a boy's voice inside my head.**

**It's funny; he has a strange accent and has been growing just as I have. I hear his thoughts, actions-everything that he thinks. Sometimes it's pretty cool; he and his friends go on little adventures. I have named him Reilly because that's what his friends call him. I get no peace-he talks while I sleep and he sleep-talks when I'm awake.**

"**Have fun at school, darl." my mother said as she kissed my forehead**

"**Yep, ok." I said as I reluctantly got out of the comfortable leather seats of my mothers Mercedes. I walked into the gates of my school, the most prestigious girls' school in all of England, Harrogate Ladies College. **

**I dumped my shoulder school bag on the rack and attempted to tie up my much layered straight chocolate brown hair.**

"**Morning Em." Lucy said cheerfully as she put her bag down next to mine.**

"**Hey." I replied as I tied my ribbon in my ponytail that stuck out almost horizontally.**

"**How many bobby pins do you want in your hair?" Lucy giggled, "And you got you hair cut again, I like it."**

"**Yeah, over the holidays" I answered**

"**Missed you." she whispered as she hugged me**

"**Me too." I whispered back**

**Lucy was my best friend; has been forever. She's about the only one who knows about my voices at school.**

**She has blonde curly hair with blue eyes and fair skin; the opposite to my olive complexion and green eyes.**

"**So, how's the voices these days. What's he saying today?" she giggled. The only difference being of course that she thought that he was real and living, were I left him just to be real, but it was too impossible to believe that he was living on the same planet as I. **

"**Umm, last night he was talking up some sleazy girl, what a nice type he is." I said sarcastically.**

"**I can't wait til I meet him…I bet he lives in a country like Australia or America."**

"**You're getting a little ahead of yourself, I don't even know if he's real yet."**

"**Have you told Sky yet?" Lucy asked curiously**

"**No, I don't want him to think that I'm a weirdo."**

"**He already knows that."**

"**Hay!"**

"**What… you have to admit, you left yourself wide open for that!" she smiled sheepishly at me**

"**I suppose." I laughed**

"**I reckon that he'd be jealous that another guy is in his girlfriends head." Lucy said**

"**Whatever, Luce!" I nudged her and she giggled**

"**So lucky." she gasped**

"**Huh?"**

"**You have the most gorgeous boyfriend ever!"**

"**I'm pretty sure that there's hotter guys that."**

"**no way, he is the hottest of them all."**

"**PFFT!" I glared at her**

"**Yer, he only got the most beautiful hazel eyes and blonde shaggy hair" Lucy gasped, "oh and his tanned muscly body!"**

"**GET over it!" it got annoying hearing about him…all the time. Especially when he was my boyfriend not hers.**

"**But it's true."**

"**Then ill break up with him so you can go out with him." I smiled**

"**Oh, please." she said jokingly, or maybe she wasn't joking.**

"**Nah, ill stick with him for a while longer." I laughed at the sudden change in your conversation.**

"**Ladies." the deep melodious hum of the voice that I loved interrupted us.**

"**Sky." Lucy stuttered**

"**Hey." I said warmly, he walked up to us, eyes set on me, his arms engulfing me. It is here that I feel truly safe. I don't have to think; I breathed in his sweet fragrance and smiled. This was all too wonderful to be true, to have someone who really loved me for who I was and didn't care about my faults.**

**He kissed my forehead and then let me face Lucy again, her face delighted, she always said it was because "Sky makes you happy, and that within itself makes me happy". Sky goes to the boy's school across the road from mine, so I often saw him. He is 17 and tall.**

**My mind began to drift; I often did this when I was in his arms. **_**My first memory of him was when I was trying to get on a busy train, however a bunch of people shoved pasted me to get off; they were unintentionally taking me with them. There was a warm hand that grabbed my arm and slowly and ever so gently pulled me onto the train. The whistle blew and the doors closed, the hand still holding me. My eyes followed up the arm to the face of this stranger. I blushed when I saw his beautiful hazel eyes gazing at me with amusement. He let go of me and chuckled "Sky."**_

"_**Excuse me?" I said, confused**_

"_**My names Sky." he corrected with another chuckle**_

"_**Oh, sorry." I blushed again, it was silent of a while, an awkward silence, I could tell he was staring at me as I stared at the dirty carpet that covered the trains floor. **_

"_**Do you have a name?" his voice tender**_

"_**Err, nope." I said as I walked to the door, the train was slowing and it was my stop.**_

"_**Oh really." he didn't sound convinced.**_

"_**Yep." I nodded as I stepped of the train**_

"_**Don't believe you." his voice sounded so close**_

"_**Oh dear, well that's just too bad." I smiled as I got on the escalator and turned around to see him right behind me.**_

"_**Everyone has a name." he said matter-of-factly. I melted, his eyes shone with mischief and cheekiness.**_

"_**Why are you following me?" I managed to stutter.**_

"_**Who said I was following??" he was laughing now, obviously at my discomfort**_

"_**Oh, umm." I said quickly as I wove through people, trying to get away from him.**_

"_**Now I am." he said as he was one step away from me, I didn't say anything. "I want to know your name, the next train leaves soon and I have to catch it." he sounded urgent now.**_

"_**No chance, stranger." I smiled**_

"_**No my name is Sky, I told you mine, you're the stranger." he said quickly**_

"_**And I said I didn't have a name."**_

"_**But you do, come on!" he begged, "you owe me, I got you on the train."**_

"_**I would have gotten on without your help."**_

"_**Nah, you would have been lost without me, just admit it." he chucked**_

"_**Goodbye SKY." I emphasized his name**_

"_**Name?" he asked one more time, I didn't answer, "fine! Until next time fair lady." **_

"_**Who said there would be a next time?" I asked, **_

"_**One cant leave a damsel in distress to get on the train herself, who knows what could happen to her in the future." he smiled as he strode off back through the busy people all escaping from the train. I smiled after him at my own defeat. I was speechless, and amazed that a beautiful boy would chase after me for my name. My heart skipped a beat that day.**_

_**The day after the train incident; he greeted me at my school gate "hello fair lady."**_

"_**Hi." I said breathlessly. **_

"_**I have come to deliver you from the train trolls." he chucked**_

"_**I'm good, but thanks anyway." I smiled and kept walking**_

"_**And," he paused "I thought maybe I could get a name for this girl that I met yesterday?" he smiled**_

"_**Emma." I said, defeated**_

"_**Alright!" he said cheerfully, in victory.**_

"**Fair lady," Sky whispered in my ear, and my thoughts drifted away, "what are you thinking about?" he sounded intrigued.**

"**Mmm?" I mumbled, then I realised that we were under my favourite tree on the oval, and no longer with Lucy. "How did we get here? Where's Lucy?"**

"**We walked here, actually I walked you here, and Lucy gave us some privacy, she went off with a blonde and brunette, I think."**

**I laughed when he tried to give more details than necessary. I sighed as I relaxed back into the trees' trunk.**

"**So…" he prompted**

"**So… what?" I questioned**

"**What were you thinking about? You were all over the place." he smiled**

"**Oh, umm," I paused, hesitant to bring it up, "the day a warm hand kept me on a busy train."**

"**Nice" he chuckled "you are such a mystery sometimes."**

**I giggled as his eyes shone on my face. **

"**I got so lucky to call you MY girl, MY fair lady." he smiled a proud smile, and his eyes glistened**

"**Are you serious!?" I exclaimed, "I'm the one that got lucky! Haven't you seen Lucy? And the rest of the girls that drool after you?"**

"**Yuck!" he chucked, "and no, I don't see them, the only person I have eyes for—"**

"**Oh, whatever." I rolled my eyes**

"**Fine, but its true." he nodded sincerely**

**I smiled at the sincerity of the tone in his voice. We sat in silence, listening to the sound of the wind through the leaves, a somewhat peaceful sound.**

"**Guess what!?" Sky's excited voice broke the silence, it startled me. "I get my licence in a week"**

"**Yay!" I tried to sound excited, but it didn't fool him**

"**Is that a bad thing?" he asked curiously**

"**no, not at all" I was honest, "I just got some stuff going on in my head, it's a bit confusing, that's all". It was true, Reilly was on a road trip, going to a gig, or that's what he called it anyway. For some reason today, I couldn't focus. Reilly was in my every thought. I usually blocked him out, his life was far more interesting than mine, but today especially I wanted to be beside him in that car, it sounded like so much fun. I was having fun, I was with SKY! I battled again to suppress the thoughts that Sky wasn't the one for me. I LOVED him, didn't that count for anything? I would die for him but still I longed to be with Reilly. Reilly doesn't exist, I kept telling myself, hoping that one day I would believe it. But I couldn't, I could not think that I was insane, that the voice inside my head was just a figment of my imagination. It was too real; I wasn't that creative to make up a voice that was talking to me all the time. **

**I was like this all day, confused and every time I said something, it was incoherent. Lucy was by my side all through lunch, she was rambling on about some television show that was on last night. That's all I got. That afternoon I didn't wait for Sky; I attempted the train by myself. I felt alone, and as soon as I got home I was sure I would get a phone call to check that I got home okay. He was so protective in that way and it got annoying. After we first met, Sky took the liberty of waiting at the gates to walk me to my train. He was sweet and loving and I loved him. What is my problem?!?**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2- **_**simple words**_

**Life went on as usual, but there was this ever growing hatred for the voice inside my head. I hated him, he was destroying me, my relationships, everything. Sky was becoming even more protective as he sensed my moods and my worry. He's always there; loving me. I don't deserve it. I needed space; I needed time away just to see how lucky I really am. It wasn't fair to him; I think he thought he was going to lose me, therefore clinging on tighter than ever. **

**Sky was walking across the street when I spotted him. As foolish as it was, I hid. But unfortunately not very well and he soon was striding gracefully over to where I was.**

"**Hey, gorgeous." he said cheerfully**

"**Hello." I smiled, accepting his hug.**

"**What's wrong? He asked, genuinely concerned as I sighed heavily.**

**I shrugged, then looked at the ground**

"**Come on, you have to tell me eventually."**

"**Look, Sky," I said after a long pause, "I need to tell you something about myself."**

**He led me to a bench on the oval and prompted me to continue**

"**Okay, well." I was trying to slow my breathing, but I was having no luck. "Ever since I was able to understand, I have had a voice inside my head." I read his expression and he was confused. "It's like another persons every thought and action. EVERYTHING that goes through that persons mind I can hear. The doctors don't know what it is either."**

"**So… you're pretty much like mentally retarded?" he laughed, making light of the situation. **

"**NO! Oh my gosh!" I stormed away, looking for somewhere to escape.**

"**Aww, I'm sorry." he had grabbed my arm and was slowing my stride til I could not run away**

"**Yeah, well it's not funny." I glared at him and pulled away, but he didn't let go. "Leave me alone!" I said harshly as I yanked my arm from his hand and marched off away from him. Rage ran through my every thought. I was furious that he could just think it was funny. I half turned to see that he was still walking behind me. I did a 180° turn, "I want space Sky! Give me some time ALONE! I don't want to be with you right now!" I knew the moment I said it that it would hurt him. His face trying to hide the pain I had just inflicted, his eyes shattered. He nodded and was gone. I found a tree, out of obvious view and sat there and cried. Tears of anger and fury soaked my face, tears of shame and sorrow drenched my uniform and tears of pity for not only Sky, but for myself, as I was not so gently pushing away everyone I held dear. I do not know how long I sat there; it could have been hours, minutes or even seconds. But a warm hand on my shoulder startled me, making me look up to see Lucy looking at me with tears in her eyes.**

"**Sweetie" she whispered as she slumped down to my level. She hugged me tight, and comforted me til dusk, I lifted my head from my knees, and the sky was grey and it looked like it was about to hail. "Its going to be dark really soon and it looks like its going to rain big time." Lucy said quietly**

"**Matches my mood." I sighed. **

"**Aww." Lucy sympathised. "We better get you out of here then?"**

**I nodded as I wiped the tears from my eyes**

"**What happened?" she asked, wary that it was a touchy subject at the moment.**

"**I think I just broke up with s…sky," I stuttered**

"**WHY?!" she sounded more horrified then I did.**

"**I dunno Luce, I kind of just told him I needed space." I sobbed**

"**What happened, honey?" she looked at me with curious but sympathetic eyes.**

"**I was telling him about Reilly, and he made some really smart arse remark and I was trying to tell him about it and he was just making it a joke and telling me that I am mentally retarded!" **

"**Oh, and that was it??"**

"**Yes!" I shrieked **

"**Oh, it's just…ah… never mind," she stuttered**

"**No, what! Do you think I overreacted?" **

"**Umm, it's just… Emma, you took something to heart that wasn't intended to be hurtful. Sweetie, he wasn't trying to hurt you or get you upset. Think about it for a minute, how silly would it sound---" she broke off, knowing if she completed her sentence then our friendship and everything we were as friends would be destroyed**

"**WHAT! How silly it would sound if what! ..." I waited; she just looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Are you trying to say that a voice inside someone's head would sound silly!?" I stared at her again, so angry that I could have slapped her across the face and walked away with a smile on my face. **

**How could I think that!? She is my BEST friend. I would be lost without her. Here she is trying to comfort me and help me, and here I am thinking of how good it would feel if I gave her a bid red hand mark on her cheek. What is wrong with me?! Breaking up with sky does not give me a reason to hurt and be horrible to everyone else I love.**

"**Em, I love you to heaven and back and you know that. I am not trying to hurt you or be mean. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, it's just you and Sky were so happy and adorable this morning, and then by nightfall you are miles apart." Lucy now spoke with a quiet, petite voice.**

"**A lot happens in 12 hours." I said sharply**

"**Okay, sorry. We need to get you home. Do you want me to call your mum, or do you want to just catch the train" she asked, still speaking in a quiet voice.**

"**I'll just catch the train" I replied as I forced myself to stand up.**

"**Alright, ill walk you to the train, and as soon as I get home ill call your mum and tell her you are on your way."**

"**Thanks Lucy!" a tear escaped my eye**

"**It's nothing, you are my best friend!" she said solemnly, I hugged her and them we were on our way to the train station. **

"**Wait," I said as I stopped, "how are you getting home?"**

"**Mums picking me up in 5 minutes from the oval" she answered**

"**Lucy, I will walk myself to the train station, its ok." I smiled**

"**Oh but…"**

"**No, I'm a big girl and I can walk alone."**

"**Ok then, if you are certain?"**

"**Yeah." I nodded as we hugged goodbye**

"**See you tomorrow, we'll talk before then though." she giggled and I smiled along with her, then we went our separate ways.**

**I was so thankful for Lucy, she truly did care. I put in my earphones for my IPod. I was walking out and across the road, out of the school gates. I heard a familiar voice, the voice of a dark, tall figure leaning against my school fence, a voice that I didn't want to hear. My hand itched to turn around and slap the cheek that spoke the words "I am sorry". I didn't want to hear it, I flushed a bright shade of pink as I turned on a random song, the song boomed in my ears, too loud. I turned it down a bit. The dark figure moved; it was following me now. I began to do a semi jog, I knew it wouldn't do much but it gave my mind the satisfaction. He matched my stride. Trying to ignore him, I fiddled with my iPod, and then checked my phone. I blinked, twice, then again. I wasn't sure of the time until now. The sun was about to set so I thought it was around 5 o'clock. It was quarter to 6! And I wasn't so unhappy to have the unwanted company any more. I was deep in my thoughts by now, genuinely forgetting that Sky was there, until my foot caught a ledge in the path and a swift hand was there to keep me from face planting it into the ground. "Thanks." I mumbled, I didn't really want to say it but I thought I'd better, because it was rude otherwise. But there was no reply, maybe he had given up. Somewhere inside of me I had this deep fear that I wouldn't ever want him to give up. I wanted him; I wanted his love, his attention. But I wanted it on my terms. It wasn't fair and I knew it, but I couldn't find it inside of me to feel bad, all I felt was that I was sorry for him. I didn't want him to have to endure what I was making him go through, but I don't know what I would do If I lost him.**

**Just then I could feel the warmth of his hand close to my ear. Before I could think, he was removing my earphone. He stopped, I walked in solitude now and it felt wrong but I fought the urge to turn around and wait for him. I just kept walking. "Is that the way it's going to be from now on?" he called from behind. My heart was pounding in my chest like it was about to explode.**

"**You chose your own fate." I stuttered as I stopped.**

**He seemed to murmur something under his breath, but I didn't catch a word of it. I slowly turned to face him, although I couldn't see his face anyway, it was truly dark now.**

"**I have to go." I stumbled over the words as I blinked to keep back the tears that welled up in my eyes and I tried to ignore the ever growing lump in my throat.**

"**Is that it?" his voice sounded less guarded now**

"**I dunno what to do anymore." I sighed**

"**You could forgive me?" he replied. I let a tear fall down my cheek. My heart seemed oddly out of place, it was beating like crazy in a time when it should have been breaking. Sky was my life, but how could I forgive him, he needed to know how I felt, what those few little words **_**Mentally retarded**_** meant to me. "For what?" I mumbled just enough for him to hear, if I spoke any louder my voice would have broken and he would have known that I was hurt. He was making exaggerated slow steps toward me now, his eyes blood shot, similar to mine. Had he been crying?? **

"**I hurt you, unintentionally, but I did." he blinked a few times like he had something in his eye.**

"**Yer well…" I nodded, trying to hide my pain**

"**I'm sorry."**

"**It's all well and good to say you are sorry but what for?" my voice was taking on a bitter side to it.**

"**Emma, I don't understand what you are saying."**

"**I have to go." I said after a while of standing in silence, I turned around and strode off to the station. I kind of expected him to come up behind me and hug me or something to tell me that it was going to be ok, or even just try speaking something in plain English, but he didn't. He remained in exactly the same position. My heart sank and I realised for the first time that it was truly over, no lying to myself, no pretending he was still going to call and say goodnight. I realised then that I wasn't going to be the girl who mourns and gets all upset. I was going to keep it all together; I will never have a repeat of this afternoon. There was going to be no re-reading of text messages, msn conversations, or journal entries for I knew if I did any of these things it would only give me temporary relief. I had to keep it together for myself, Lucy and mum; mum didn't need this extra stress.**

**The train station was fairly deserted; it felt weird and unusually unsafe. I longed for a friend, someone who would protect me, Sky. I longed for Sky. No no no. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I didn't want him, I was letting go. I hopped on the train that went straight to my stop. It was now almost half past six, Mum would be worrying and I had no credit. I took a seat and changed to a more up beat song on my IPod. The whistle sounded and I was the only one in the carriage, until an old man; probably about 60; came through the doors to sit beside me. Oh my goodness, there are about 40 other seats he could sit at, but he chose to sit with me! I felt a little uncomfortable; he was just staring at my face. Thank goodness the train slowed and it was my stop, I picked up my bag and walked out. I turned left out of the station gates and headed for home. The old man was murmuring something as he walked off up to the next street. I was relieved that he was gone, but my heart was still pounding and the adrenaline still pumping through my body. I was thinking of what I would do if he followed me; he looked somewhat seedy I thought. I was about 100 metres from my house when I saw a figure coming down the hill from a side street, he walked under a street light and then I was sure it was the same old man. He was following me. He smiled a toothless smile at me and I gasped, he looked evil. I was running toward home now, glancing behind me every few strides to make sure he wasn't running too. I was turning my head to do my final check. Then I felt this sharp cold pain through my head; like someone had wacked me with something metal. I fell to the ground, now there was a rough pain at the back of my head. I screamed out in pain then all was black. I woke again a few moments later, looking up to see the man bending over me. I screamed and sat up; all the blood rushed to my head and I was dizzy, I stumbled as I tried to get up. "Love, you hit your head pretty hard, maybe you should sit down for a bit" the old man's croaky voice only added to his scary appearance. "Ahh… no thanks" I stuttered as I walked; more like stumbled off to my home. I turned around to look at the man before I went in the door. "Go home!" I tried to sound fierce and scary. I walked inside and my mother flittered to my side. "Where have you been? You look awful, what happened? Emma, Lucy called and said that you weren't feeling well, what's that about?" her questions overwhelmed me**

"**Mum!" I shrieked**

"**Oh sweetie, I am just trying to look after you and care. I love you."**

"**I know, just give me a minute, ok?" **


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3- **_**a beautiful diamond**_

**My mums eyes waited curious and rather impatiently.**

"**It's nothing, just a bad day" I sighed**

"**It has something to do with Sky, doesn't it?" he voice was flat. Don't you hate it when parents know you so well, that they know when you are lying? Gees, it's annoying.**

"**Not really. I tried to tell him about Reilly, and I guess he didn't take it so well, and I might have over reacted just a bit." **

"**You two will be fine, just give it some time." my mum said gently, and then gave me a squeeze, quick kiss and then strode off to the kitchen.**

**I good way to get my mind off things, was to do homework. But the more I tried, the harder it got to concentrate. I was glad that mum hadn't pushed the issue and demanded details, that in itself was the upside of the day. "Honey, have you eaten" my mother called from the bottom of the stairs.**

"**Yes, I ate at the train station." I lied**

"**Ok well," I heard her coming up the stairs and sure enough within a few seconds she popped her head in, "I'm going to go to bed now, I had an exhausting day." Fewf! That was defiantly a relief. That was probably why she hadn't pushed for details earlier. **

"**Ok then, night mum." I said**

**She closed the door and I heard her footsteps fade as she made her way across the house to her bed room.**

**The funny thing for mum and I was that we barely talked about the essential, most important things. It was nice, just the two of us now, since dad left. He couldn't hack the close proximity of the city, he was a country man, and now he was a wine maker in Australia, I saw my father about once a year if I was lucky. He was a rich man; his wine was expensive and much sought after. **

**I turned on my new laptop that I had got from him. It was so fast compared to my old one. It was a thin one and dad had gotten me a leather case for it, it was almost as thin as one of my exercise books for school. I think it is the new Mac book. I logged into my emails and there was a message from: Elise (a girl from school), one from Lucy and one from sky. I started with Elise's:**

Hello Emma, it's just Elise here. I was just wondering if you would like to join the soccer team this year, we could do with your expertise. I know that you might not be able to get to all the training sessions so I asked mum and she said that we would be more than happy to pick you up and take you home. Ill talk to you at school. Have a nice afternoon xoxo

**Next was Lucy's:**

Hey sweetie, how are you going? I'll call you later on tonight if you don't get this. I hope you got home alright? Love you xx

**I clicked the reply button and began to type: **I'm fine honestly, who needs a boyfriend anyway. Haha. Funny story about getting home though. Ill tell you tomorrow, ok?! I love you too. Please don't call cuz mums in bed and she said she had a pretty stressful day, so I think she needs her sleep. Talk tomorrow. Xoxoxoxox

**And finally, Sky's:**

Emma, I am truly sorry, I feel like such a coward having to tell you like this but please, please accept my apology. I didn't know how to react and it did sound a little unusual. I'm sorry. I hope I can talk to you tomorrow to sort things out, even if you just wanna be friends, I can deal with that. I understand. So sorry. It probably won't help, but I love you and always will! Xx goodnight babe.

PS: I have a present for you because today was our 6 month. It's in your letterbox. (Well I hope it is still there.) Happy 6 month I guess. I hope you like it. I really do love you... a lot.

**With that, I grabbed a torch and crept down to the letterbox and inside it was a brown bag. I took it inside, scared that the creepy man could still be roaming the streets. I was so nervous that I almost dropped it a few times going up the stairs. I sat on my bed, and began to unwrap the parcel, inside was a little ruby red case and inside lay a beautiful ring, dainty and small with little diamonds and yellow gold, it was stunning. I felt guilty trying it on but I was so curious, it fitted like a glove. There was something more in the parcel, a hard box. I opened it and unattached the bubble wrap to see a lovely photo frame. I ran my fingers over the delicate design, butterflies and bees, in amongst thin pieces of entwined wires, I loved it. I thought about a nice photo that would go in the frame, but when I looked at where I would put the picture, there was already one there. Exactly the same picture I was thinking of. We were at his school formal and he had picked me up like I was weightless and was smiling his most triumphant smile, I was just smiling as if he was so silly. This made me laugh. And then out of the bottom of the photo frame dropped a letter. I unfolded it, and saw that it was hand written. It made me wonder when it was written, but when I saw that he had written it with his special pen; I knew it would have been written this morning. I smiled and it felt like he was sitting right beside me and smiling too. He was everything to me, how could I forget that. I fiddled with the paper before I began to read it. **

Dearest Emma, you are the most unique and beautiful girl I have ever known. I just laughed as I found this frame and imagined the exact photo that would go in it. I picked the ring because it just reminded me of you; I saw it and said to the assistant girl. "I want that one!" and she looked at me really weird.

I'll love you forever, I promise

Sky x

**I tear fell from my eye and smudged the ink. I don't know how to set things right with the one I love most. It wasn't healthy for him to occupy so much of my heart. Yet about the same amount of my heart belongs to a boy I have and maybe never will meet. He was THE love of my entire life. Now, what is most annoying: knowing that there is someone in the world that you can hear, but will never see? Or knowing that that someone was destroying your life and not being able to be mad at him, but just love him more and more? **

**I woke to the smell of toast, yum! A new day, a new perspective. I was armed with my new ring, that was at least something, then it dawned on me, I was wearing my EX boyfriends 6 month ring. Wasn't that a little odd?**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4- **_**dreaming**_

**Something's in life are so hard to fix that there is just no chance that they will ever be the same again. Relationships are one of those things; as hard as you might try, they will never be restored because when things are said they remain said and come back to haunt you. There are sometimes amazing things that happen, but they become less amazing because someone outlined their opinion, and their opinion opposed yours.**

**School flew by, I doodled and day-dreamed. For some reason, this always brought me to think about Reilly. He was watching trees and building become a blur as he sat on a comfortable coach seat. His mind was troubled: "why a girl's school! They are all going to by snobby and up them selves! Rich cows. What are they going to say about me!" he flicked through the songs on his IPod. "Nope…no… no…" he thought as he flicked through the songs he didn't want to listen to. "Why can't I just think like jo and mark" obviously they were his friends. "Rich girls and most of them will be really hot too. Gah! Why does life have to be so complicated! Why does community service have to be really hard to find. Why did they have to send me away? It's not like I murdered someone!" he was screaming the thoughts in his head now. It gave me a headache; I just wanted to tell him that it was going to be ok, wherever he was going, that it was going to be just fine, and to ask him to please stop yelling. I thought about it for a while. He had committed a crime, I must have missed that. It scared me a little.**

**I let my homework have a break today; I just rested my head on my pillow. My eyes slowly closed and my dreams overcame me.**

_**I was running on lush green turf. I looked down to make sense of it all. I was wearing baggy knee-length shorts with HLC (Harrogate ladies college)embroidered on it, long socks that came up to my knees and electric blue studded boots. Into my feet came a yellow ball. I was playing football. It made no sense at all. I didn't call for the ball, I looked up, Elise had kicked it to me. I fiddled with it, gaining my confidence back. Then I ran, dribbling the ball, dodging other players in baggy shorts. Then I passed it off to a girl to my left. It was Lucy. We were on the HLC football team for this year. I heard a familiar voice from the sidelines, but when I looked, I could see no one that I recognised. It spoke again. "Go HLC!" It sounded so much like Reilly's voice, as impossible as it seemed. Lucy had passed off to another girl who I couldn't put a name to, she took a shot at the goals, the goalie for the other team dived the other way, so the ball flew into the nets. "Goal!" the ref shouted.**_

"_**2 minutes left girls, play hard!" I heard the voice again but still I saw no one. The other team kicked off, passed around a bit, obviously not trying to get a goal as there was no chance. The whistle blew and it was the end of the game. We had won! The whole team was on the field jumping around and laughing. As if to congratulate us, it began to rain, then it poured. It drenched us from head to toe. It was truly a happy moment; I tried to catch the water drops in my mouth, to taste the fresh, pure rain. "Great playing Emma, you did really well!" I heard the voice again, this time I was going to find out who it really was. I turned to ask Lucy or any of the other girls who he was, but when I turned they were gone. I looked all around the field but found no one, then my eyes scanned the stadium, and there too was no one, just the remnants of a crowd. I stood in amazement; I had missed the other people exit the grounds, except one. A dark figure stood in the shadows of the stadium cover. "You did well today!" he called out, "I'm very proud of you!" I began to run, sensing a lack of time. I thought he would disappear at any moment. I squinted to see his face, but it was too dark, he waited for me, arms out stretched. I ran faster still, but the faster I ran the further away he got. It was like a nightmare. I was running as fast as I could, the stadium began to disappear, and then he was gone. **_

**My dream faded. **

**I was conscious now, shivering; not because it was cold. It was 3 am and I could not stay in my bed, I was like a live wire, energetic and excited. I got up and flipped open my Mac book and signed on to msn. A few were on, an old friend called Amy, Sky and Luke; one of Sky's friends. **

**WALKER says: ****hey emmaleena**

**That was Luke for you, he loved to annoy me. He was pretty cool though.**

**Emmaahh says: ****hello Luke**

**WALKER says: ****how are you?**

**Emmaahh says: ****Fine**

**WALKER says: ****ahah, that's good**

**Emmaahh says: ****I guess I should ask you how you are.**

**WALKER says: ****oh, thankyou. I am great… but I know who isn't**

**Emmaahh says: ****Oh, who?**

**WALKER says: ****sky**

**Emmaahh says: ****Pfft, meh**

**WALKER says: ****sorry but he seriously can't live with out you man**

**Emmaahh says: ****Good for him to learn**

**WALKER says: ****he is a real mess, Em**

**Emmaahh says: ****I know**

**WALKER says: ****why don't you help him then**

**Emmaahh says: ****Because I don't want to**

**WALKER says: ****well I'm getting sick of hearing about you**

**Emmaahh says: ****Huh?**

**WALKER says: ****dude, you know what I mean**

**Emmaahh says: ****No I don't**

**WALKER says: ****fine… he always talks about you. Emma this Emma that**

**Emmaahh says: ****Good for you**

**WALKER says: ****no not really**

**Emmaahh says: ****Whatever Luke**

**WALKER says: ****I know you don't really care right now**

**Emmaahh says: ****You're wrong**

**WALKER says: ****What?**

**Emmaahh says: ****I do care**

**WALKER says: ****Oh**

**Emmaahh says: ****Yes, but I just need some space. Is that to hard to ask**

**WALKER says: ****I guess not**

**Emmaahh says: ****Exactly**

**WALKER says: ****What?**

**Emmaahh says: ****You don't get it either**

**WALKER says: ****What?**

**Emmaahh says: ****He was squeezing me into a cage all for himself**

**WALKER says: ****I don't think so**

**Emmaahh says: ****You wouldn't know**

**WALKER says: ****umm,**

**Emmaahh says: ****It wasn't you he was doing it to**

**WALKER says: ****I suppose**

**Emmaahh says: ****Sorry**

**WALKER says: ****Nah, its fine**

**Emmaahh says: ****Can you not tell him what I said?**

**WALKER says: ****Ok, but I think he needs to know.**

**Emmaahh says: ****I dunno**

**WALKER says: ****Either do I, I just know he's not in the right frame of mind to do anything.**

**Emmaahh says: ****Why not**

**WALKER says: ****Are you seriously asking that?**

**Emmaahh says: ****Ummm yer**

**WALKER says: ****He is finding it hard to live without you**

**Emmaahh says: ****Oh**

**WALKER says: ****Yep**

**Emmaahh says: ****This is what ill do, ill talk to him now**

**WALKER says: ****Ok**

**Emmaahh says: ****Hmmm**

**WALKER says: ****What's wrong?**

**Emmaahh says: ****It's just going to be weird**

**WALKER says: ****Ill suggest it to him to talk to you**

**Emmaahh says: ****Ok**

**WALKER says: ****Haha**

**Emmaahh says: ****Yer thanks**

**WALKER says: ****Tis cool**

**Emmaahh says: ****Haha**

**WALKER says: ****Yep, ill talk to you later**

**Emmaahh says: ****Yeah**

**WALKER says: ****Bye x**

**Emmaahh says: ****Cya xoxo**

**It was now going on to 4 am now and I was dreading the next conversation to appear on my screen. All to soon, sky said hi.**

**Sky says:**** hi**

**Emmaahh says: ****umm hello**

**Sky says:**** how are you?  
****Emmaahh says: ****fine thanks, who about you?**

**Sky says:**** yer I'm fine**

**Emmaahh says: ****That's good**

**Sky says:**** I guess**

**Emmaahh says: ****Mmm**

**Sky says:**** Emma,**

**Emmaahh says: ****Yes?**

**Sky says:**** I miss you**

**Emmaahh says: ****Really**

**Sky says:**** Yes, a lot**

**Emmaahh says: ****Whatever**

**Sky says:**** I want you back**

**Emmaahh says: ****Well that's not your decision is it?!**

**Sky says:**** I know, I am just trying to make a helpless plea that you might take me back. I can****'****t hide the way I****'****m feeling anymore**

**Emmaahh says: ****So I'm just supposed to say, sure sky I want you back I still love you and lets just forget about what happened, hey. Its ok**

**Sky says:**** That would be a dream come true!**

**Emmaahh says: ****A dream you wont have**

**Sky says:**** To late! I****'****ve had a million of those dreams****—****some of them are so realistic too. **

**Emmaahh says: ****What's that got to do with anything?!**

**Sky says:**** Never mind**

**Emmaahh says: ****Fine**

**Sky says:**** Fine****…****can we at least be friends?**

**Emmaahh says: ****I guess so**

**Sky says:**** Yay**

**Emmaahh says: ****Mmm**

**Sky says:**** You have made my day**

**Emmaahh says: ****I shouldn't have**

**Sky says:**** What do you mean**

**Emmaahh says: ****There should be more exciting things in life than becoming friends with your ex**

**Sky says:**** Well not in my life**

**Emmaahh says: ****That's bad**

**Sky says:**** I know, I can****'****t live without you. Actually I am trying hard to****…**** its getting a little easier.**

**Emmaahh says: ****That's good**

**Sky says:**** I guess**

**Emmaahh says:**** Okay**

**Sky says:**** I don****'****t**** want to though**

**Emmaahh says: ****Don't want to what?**

**Sky says:**** LIVE WITHOUT YOU SILLY!**

**Emmaahh says: ****Sky no! Move on**

**Sky says:**** But I love you**

**Emmaahh says: ****No**

**Sky says:**** Yes, sorry Emma**

**Emmaahh says: ****Find someone else**

**Sky says:**** There will NEVER be another Emma**

**Emmaahh says: ****I didn't say find another me, I said find another girl to love**

**Sky says:**** no**

**Emmaahh says: ****why not?**

**Sky says:**** I don****'****t**** want to**

**Emmaahh says: ****You need to**

**Sky says:**** Who says??**

**Emmaahh says: ****Me**

**Sky says:**** So****…**

**Emmaahh says: ****Why wont you?**

**Sky says:**** Because you are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life!**

**Emmaahh says: ****That was subtle**

**Sky says:**** I cant be subtle anymore**

**Emmaahh says: ****Umm…**

**Sky says:**** You don****'****t**** listen**

**Emmaahh says: ****Either do you!**

**Sky says:**** Sorry**

**Emmaahh says: ****Doesn't matter**

**Sky says:**** Yes it does**

**Emmaahh says: ****I'm going to go**

**Sky says:**** No, don****'****t**** go**

**Emmaahh says: ****I have to**

**Sky says:**** I****'****m sorry**

**Emmaahh says: ****I said it was fine**

**Sky says:**** Then why are you going?**

**Emmaahh says: ****Because I have to catch the train to school in an hour.**

**Sky says:**** Oh**

**Emmaahh says: ****Don't you?**

**Sky says:**** Nope**

**Emmaahh says: ****Why not?**

**Sky says:**** Mum****'****s driving me**

**Emmaahh says: ****Ok cool**

**Sky says:**** I guess so Haha**

**Emmaahh says: ****Yep **

**Sky says:**** I****'****m sorry**

**Emmaahh says: ****Its fine, bye**

**Sky says:**** Talk soon xxx**

**I was exhausted, but I still had a whole day of school.**

"**Good morning sweet heart!" mum sounded chirpy**

"**Good morning." I sighed, rubbing my eyes**

"**You look tired." she asked, a little worried**

"**Didn't sleep all that good." **

"**Oh."**

"**Do I have to go to school?" I groaned**

"**You aren't." She smiled**

"**Umm, why not?" I was confused**

"**You have a doctor's visit." **

"**Not going to school after that?" I questioned, still confused**

"**No, well, it's more than just check up. They want you to stay and do some tests, max 2 days."**

"**Great!" I said sarcastically. She just smiled at me and walked off to get ready for work.**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 – **_**first impressions**_

**A few days in a small, dull, smelly room with a hard, thin, lumpy bed; wonderful I thought sarcastically. I followed the nurse to the room that I was to occupy for a few days, and when I walked in I was surprised to see a very ill looking boy, sleeping in the bed on the opposite wall to the vacant one that I assumed was mine. I walked in quietly and gently laid my bag on the foot of my bed, I turned to look at the nurse and smiled, and she smiled back and then left silently. I sat on my bed absentmindedly. **_**Squeak**_**. I flinched for a long moment, then shot a glance at the little pale boy, I sighed in relief that he was still asleep. **

**Great it squeaks too. This is going to be an enjoyable experience; I was kind of frustrated that my mother had agreed to this, it was going to be so boring.**

**I stared out the window on the rear wall and watched the clouds darken and then begin to release, drop by drop, and before long it was pouring outside and the sound it made on the roof was relaxing and somewhat calming. However, a knock on the door startled me and I jumped back and turned to face the intruder. An older man with the most velvety, smooth voice "Sorry for startling you. The rain is beautiful, am I right?"**

"**Yes, very much so." I couldn't help but smile.**

"**I'd better introduce myself. I will be your physician during your stay. Your regular doctor is on a holiday. So I will be running all the tests." he smiled and motioned me to leave with him. I walked out toward whatever test he had prepared for me. **

"**If you don't mind me asking. Who is the little boy?"**

"**Not at all, his name is Josiah. He has Acute Myelogenous Leukaemia."**

"**Oh." I said waiting for the doctor to continue.**

"**He isn't doing so well, due to the fact that he was diagnosed late, as Acute Myelogenous Leukaemia is a very fast growing cancer and he hasn't responded to chemotherapy as well as we hoped."**

**After all the tests were complete for that day I was allowed to return to my smelly, dull room to get some rest on the lumpy bed. I crept in, to be really quiet so I didn't wake him. I ignored the squeak the bed made when I crawled into it. Only then did I realise that two small eyes watched me carefully. "Oh, hi." I said quietly **

"**Hello," his little voice sounded so frail and vulnerable. "When did you get here?"**

"**Um, this morning, you were sleeping." I smiled**

"**Oh, for how long will you be here?" **

"**Just a couple of days, you?" I asked, unsure.**

"**Oh. I've been here for almost six months."**

"**In that bed?" I asked, stunned**

"**Yes." he seemed almost grateful to the bed. And I was instantly guilty for saying such horrible things about this place. This place is saving his life, but it is just making mine more complicated. I was like a guinea pig to them, and he was being saved by the same hands that attached me to various machines to see how I reacted. He was so grateful to them. **

"**I know you're thinking that the beds are gross, they are but I guess you get used to them." He smiled.**

"**I hope I don't have to." I really hated those beds. And I had only laid on one for 15 minutes max, how was it like sleeping on one? I sighed, the silence was almost unbearable. Thinking that I could be wasting precious minutes of his short life. **

"**So, umm, do you know when dinner is served?"**

"**Between 6 and 7."**

"**Soon then." I said. Not knowing myself it that was a statement or a question.**

"**Sure is." he confirmed**

"**How old are you?" I asked abruptly**

**His laugh was so quiet, it was quieter that his breathing. "I am 9 in October." **

**I nodded. He was a very mature 8 year old that's for sure, but I guess being very ill and sitting in a bed all day made you that way.**

**After dinner, which was soup with a bread roll and it tasted terrible…worse than terrible, I changed in to my pyjamas, and settled into reading a book, as the little boy just lay in his lumpy bed. A few hours later the nurse that served us dinner, was back in collecting our plates. "Bed time, lovey." she whispered. I assumed that the boy was asleep already so I curled up on the lumpy, thin bed and began my efforts to try to get some sleep at least.**

**The sun shone into our room early the next morning and I was surprised at how soundly I slept. After breakfast my mother was in dropping off my laptop, school text books, and notes about the work I missed yesterday. She practically ran in, dropped my stuff on the table, kissed me on the forehead and ran out. I presumed she was late.**

**After all my tests were complete for the day I settled into my bed, with my laptop on my lap and began to work. I had asked the nurse earlier if I could be connected to the internet at the hospital and she said sure and something about a code. There, placed on top of my book was a little torn sheet of paper that read 'green eggs and ham'. I smiled and typed it into the password box. I first checked my emails. Mostly forwards, but this one caught my eye, it was from Lucy. It was titled **'sweetness'** so I scrolled down to read it.**

**That was such a nice email, but if only it was true. It was probably written by some love sick teenage girl.**

**The days passed my slowly and very uncomfortably, and all the tests showed no new information, as usual. I just wished that the doctors would just stop trying to figure it out.**

**I got back to school on the Thursday; I didn't know why my mother even bothered sending. I was walking out of our last class for the day with Lucy and I started to get a tingling in my fingertips, just like they do when I kiss Sky. **

"**Here we are: at the famous girl's school, Harrogate ladies college. My personal hell for the next year. Oh joy." It was so real, so easy to think it was someone like Lucy talking to me. For a few seconds I really thought that he was standing behind me. I was swept up in the realisation that it sounded so real, that I barely noticed that he had said HLC. My school! He was here!**

"**Reilly's here. In this school!" I screeched, rather loudly. Other girls looked at me like I was an idiot. But I expected a bigger response from Lucy, but she didn't even stop or look or say anything. I leaned in towards her ear and said "Reilly is here." And that time a got a response. Not quite what I expected, though.**

"**What? Why did you do that?" she asked, dazed and then when I began to laugh, she looked almost offended. Her bottom lip poked out and she frowned a little, now looking confused.**

"**Having a nice daydream?" I asked**

"**Yes."**

"**Did you hear what I said?" I asked as we walked out of the crowded hall way and toward the school gate.**

"**No, I don't think so." She smiled, "unless you were talking about ice cream?"**

"**No, I was talking about…actually… never you mind." I looked at her and her face began to pout again. **

"**Please?"**

"**Reilly is here, well at school. Our sch---"**

"**Oh GOSH! What are we doing then?" that was more of a rhetorical question I thought, "Let's go, quick." She pulled me with her as she began to march back toward the school office.**

"**Why?" I hadn't expected this response either.**

"**We are going to find him, silly."**

"**No." I was so shocked**

"**Emma, this is your chance. Don't be unreasonable." She was stern with me now, and all I could do when she spoke to me like that was follow.**

**I became frantic, "my hair… is fluffy and gross. And my make up will be smudged."**

"**Honey, he has seen you since you were a little child. You have nothing to worry about."**

"**Ok." I succumbed to her; she did have a good point.**

"**Emma!" a male had called me, but whom?**

**I was shaking and I looked around to find the man that called me. Could it really be Reilly, would he really recognise me? "Control yourself. You don't want him to think you are a freak!" Lucy hissed**

**A strong hand grasped my shoulder; I jumped from the unexpected force.**

"**Emma," I turned to see that it was only my English teacher Mr. Jeffrey.**

"**Oh," I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice "yes?"**

"**Sorry to startle you. I just wanted to commend you on your recent assignment. It was amazing." He was smiling. **

"**Oh, err, thanks" what that all? I had freaked out, and stressed myself out just for that. Argh.**

"**That's ok." he replied and then vanished into the staffroom.**

"**Come on. Luce, can we please go?"**

"**No, we are going to find him."**

"**Hello ladies, is there anything I could help you with? You both should know that the boys are not allowed on this campus." Neither of us heard his silent approach, just his husky voice break the silence.**

**Lucy turned around and glare at this man. "You don't think." She retorted, "been at this school for years now and they missed that one rule, thanks for clearing that up for us. Goodbye." She waved him off, more of a gesture that meant 'shoo!'**

**I was frozen, looking at this man up and down, staring at every part of him. **

"**Hi" I breathed**

"**Hello."**

**I was envious of his composure.**

"**Who are you?" Lucy snapped, obviously annoyed about being left out.**

"**Reilly Bradford." He said so matter-of-factly, not taking his eyes off me.**

**I was suddenly gasping, like I was suffocating. I tugged on Lucy's arm and yanked her around the corner.**

"**Him… that's…him" I said in between gasps.**

"**Oh." She seemed to just think about it. And then she lifted her right hand and suddenly there was a stinging pain on my cheek. "OUCH!" I shrieked.**

"**Get a hold of yourself then!" she whispered as she grabbed my arm and pulled me around the corner. Back to Reilly. **

"**Back so soon, I thought you were having a heart attack." He smirked**

"**Oh, shut up." I found my voice.**

"**Oooh." He was laughing now. **_**Just like I imagined her to be.**_

**I stormed off, having nothing to say.**

"**Wait?" he called**

"**Not likely." I yelled back. We were really only speaking out loud for Lucy's sake.**

**I heard his footsteps behind me, but before I could do anything about it, he had a firm grasp of my wrist.**

"**Let go." I said through barred teeth.**

"**No." he mimicked my voice.**

**I huffed, and began to struggle, knowing that it was a lost cause. Get off me now, you felon!**

_**Make me! **_

**And this began then internal arguments, we stopped speaking out loud.**

**No, I will not fight you.**

_**Too scared?**_

**No! Just leave me alone.**

_**Why? You and I were looking for each other all afternoon, why would I leave now?**_

**Because I wished I didn't. I wished I never knew you. I wish you didn't exist! **

_**Good thing they are just wishes**_

**Maybe I'll get lucky!**

_**Why are you being so negative, you just found the love of your life!**_

**You are joking, right? You are definitely not the love of my life! I love Sky. I hate you! You are an arrogant, selfish coward!**

_**Funny, so Sky's perfect aye? That's why you are fighting at the moment. I better not complain, I like it better this way! He is a tool, if you only saw him for who he is, and then you would be sorry!**_

**Not as sorry as I am for having your sick, cruel mind inside my head.**

_**You think that's bad! You didn't even notice how I became I felon. You and your little sweetheart are sickening!**_

**You're just jealous! **

_**Maybe I am**_

**Yuck! Even if you were the last man on earth, I wouldn't even be attracted to you.**__

_**Oh, but you are.**_

**AM NOT! But my thoughts betrayed me. For the first time I really saw his deep blue-grey eyes, and the compassion in them. I saw the way his lips curled up at the edges and the little dimple on his cheek when he smiled. And the way his hair was…beautiful. That was all I could think. I thought he was beautiful. I was caught up in the fantasy that was not just being imagined in my head, but in his too.  
"Hello, I'm still here, what's going on?" Lucy said loudly, breaking my concentration. I opened my mouth to speak, but Reilly beat me to it. **

"**Your friend Emma is dreaming of me, that's all." He smiled at me, deviously.**

"**Was not!" I spat. Idiot, why did you say that!! She will talk to Sky.**

"**Isn't that what I want?" he asked out loud**

**No not if you were a friend, but wait, your not, oh that's right. You don't care about anyone else!**

_**Stop trying to make this more complicated.**_

"**That's right, blame it all on me." My anger was seeping through my words, but I didn't stop it, I let it flow. "You think that you can just walk up and act all like we have known each other all our life. Well, sorry, we haven't. I didn't know how much of a jerk you are. I don't want anything to do with you, is that really to hard to believe. You are making my life hell; I cannot love sky as much as I want, because you are there. Yes, you have been in my head ever since I could remember, but that doesn't mean we have to be friends. I have had specialists and doctors look for a cause, but the repeatedly find nothing, trying to convince me that you are just my imagination! Sky thinks I am retarded; Lucy was so excited to one day meet the famous Reilly! Bit by bit you are tearing my life apart! Can't you see that? Can't you see how much it hurts to have you here? Or are you really that blind."**

**He looked at me, confused. "You think it has been easy for me? You are not the only one with relationship problems. Time and time again, I broke off relationships, because the felt wrong cause I only wanted you. I didn't mean to come here, they sent me here and I couldn't argue. I didn't even know you went to school here. I'm sorry."**

"**Go back to where you came from." I hissed.**

"**Cant, sorry." he smirked**

"**I hate you; you came here specifically to ruin my life."**

"**Its already going that way, I don't need to help it."**

"**You little --"**

"**Lets go Emma," Lucy's stern voice cut me off, she walked away, and I followed after I glared at him for a long while.**

"**Bye sweeties" he called after us, just to push my buttons, and it worked. I came in hook line and sinker. I spun on my heels and was marching toward him. **

"**Don't you dare!" I spat, "you have no right to be here. Get lost! NOW!" Lucy stood in between my body and his. **

"**Wonderful idea. Off you go!" she said as forcefully as she could. "This is our school"**

"**Mine too." He smiled, watching our faces turn to shock and confusion, and then he walked off.**

"**What did he just say?" I asked Lucy for confirmation**

"**Umm, I dunno, he could just be trying to, eh, oh dear." She stuttered, shocked.**

**We remained quiet, the whole time on the train, until it was her stop.**

"**Bye." I smiled as we hugged**

"**See you tomorrow." she laughed and she left the train and me in deep thought.**

**The next day passed by quickly, but I was so wary that around the next corner would be Reilly, but thankfully, I did not see him once. The bell rang for the final time that week and I was out as quick as**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6- **_**personal expression**_**  
I went to sleep that night, knowing that the next day I could be free. Free to be who I wanted to be and not have to worry about being mature, just me and a bunch of strangers in a room with canvases and lots of paints and paint brushes. It was going to be a lot of fun and I could hardly sleep, it was an art camp out in the country somewhere. All my clothes were packed and set for an early days drive to the campus out in Oxfordshire. **

**No Lucy, No Sky, and definitely no Reilly!**

**I found myself drifting in and out of consciousness. But finally the morning came and I was up and dressed in a flash. **

**Some four hours later, Mum turned into a driveway lined with big mango trees. To the side of the letter box, there was a large sign with the writing 'Young achievers art studios and camps.' The adrenaline was thick in my veins now; I was almost jumping out of my seat. Mum parked and we said our goodbyes and I grabbed my bags out of the back of the car and headed for this big barn-like building. I soon was told that this was called the main studio. The camp director led all 24 of us to our cabins. They were shared and not gender streamed. I shared my room with two girls called Sophie and Jill. The girls were identical twins and they shared the bunk bed, while I had the single against the other wall. After we got settled we had an introduction to the program and were talked through the rules and what they expected of us. We did a few corny get-to-know each other exercises. There was this boy, his name was Seth, he was so down to earth and cool with everything. He had bleach blonde hair that went over his ears and came to his eyelids and he just flicked it off his face. He wore grey shorts with a silver belt buckle and a shirt with his favourite band on it. He was the ultimate image of cool, without the attitude. I liked him; he was the kind of guy that I could spend all day with. And sure enough, I pretty much did. I spent all of the first session of still life with him, lunch, and then we were separated in the afternoon as I went to do portraits and he was out doing nature. But we joined back together at dinner. Then, after dinner it was free time until lights out, which was late. Dinner was some kind of pasta dish and we had home made ice cream for supper. I had a shower and then got dresses into my track pants (ones that had elastic at the bottom so I had them gathered under the knee) and a singlet. My hair was tied up in a messy bun with my side-fringe out. I grabbed my sketch book and a pencil and sat behind my cabin on the garden seat, the sun had retired for the day and I was sitting under a powerful flood lamp. I tapped my page with my pencil absent-mindedly, thinking of inspiration. My pencil found the paper and began working, giving depth and features to the boys face, I spent what seemed like hours out there perfecting it, especially the hair, it never felt right, always too structured. I heard a crunch of dead leaves, but I was so engrossed in my work that I didn't realise.**

"**I wish I actually looked that good." **

**I looked up and was pleased to find Seth, standing in a massive hoodie and the same shorts.**

"**But you look better." I smiled, shutting my book.**

"**No, seriously, if I looked that good I would have to chase girls away with a stick." He smiled**

"**Righto." I laughed at his example.**

"**Anyway," he sighed as he shoved me over on the seat so he could sit too.**

"**What's the time?" I yawned**

"**Obviously bed time for you, little missy." he said as he patted his shoulder, for me to rest my head on it.**

**I did as told," Ouch, you lanky, bony boy." I grumbled.**

"**It's not my fault." He mimicked my tone, jokingly.**

"**Sure it isn't. Eat more!"**

**He just sighed. I drifted off to sleep on his shoulder for goodness knows how long but I woke the next morning in my bed, rather disillusioned. As soon as I sat up, the twins started throwing questions at me like they were going out of fashion.**

"**Just a friend." I moaned repeatedly, not having to be fully conscious to know what they were talking about. I saw my sketch book open to a page, not the same one I was working on that night, but a different one. It had the words 'sleep tight.' At the top and it was a picture of a little girl on a lanky boys lap, asleep. I just smiled; it was rough, but so cute. **

**I changed quickly into my high-waisted denim skirt, a creamy/fawn top and my ballet flats. I straightened my hair and went to the kitchen for breakfast.**

**The second day of my four day camp was only just beginning and I was enjoying it a lot.**

**I was not surprised to see the lanky blonde boy smiling his quirky smile at me. And I heard the twins giggle behind me. And I just laughed as he realised that they thought he was smiling at them. **

**I did not see him the way the twins did, or any other girl at this camp did. I saw him as a friend, a friend that could never be more. A safe house and that was not going to change. However, I was surprised to find that over breakfast, his arm hovered around my shoulders. I got even more surprised and almost scared when I liked it there. At lunch, when Seth and I entered the kitchen, the twins swept me away and bombarded me again with a tonne more questions. But this time I was fully conscious and knew why they were asking.**

"**Just friends…right!" Jill scoffed**

"**Yeah, what did you actually do last night?" Sophie chimed**

"**I don't know. Sorry." It was true though, I didn't know what was going on.**

"**Come on!" one moaned, "There has got to be more than that." It must have been Jill. **

"**Do you like him?" Sophie cut in.**

**That was an answer I could answer simply. "No, not at all." I said without even thinking. I pondered on the question for a while, wondering if I really did like him. But I was right to think of him only as a friend. As there were too many problem guys in my life, I just needed a Seth, someone to bring reason into my life. **

**I stayed with the girls for the rest of breakfast, but joined Seth again for first session.**

"**Hey you." he smiled simply**

"**Hi."**

"**Did you like my drawing?"**

"**Well, it was cute." I laughed**

"**It was hard to draw with your head on my shoulder; I eventually put you on my lap."**

"**Oh, I was kind of freaked out when I found myself in my bed this morning." I answered**

"**I was trying to be a gentleman." **

"**Good job." I giggled**

**I got out my canvas and set up my easel, ready for the teacher.**

"**Whereabouts do you live?" I asked**

"**Um, border of Norfolk and Lincolnshire."**

"**I live just outside London."**

"**That sucks!" he grumbled**

"**What grade are you in?"**

"**I'm 18. I'm having a gap year." He replied**

"**Licence?" I asked**

"**Mmm, why though? What are you scheming little girl?" he smiled**

"**You could drive up and stay for a while, good eh?"**

"**Parents?" he asked cautiously**

"**Mum doesn't care; you would just sleep in your own room." I smiled**

"**Fair enough."**

"**You would make my life a bit more enjoyable."**

"**Don't you have a man?"**

"**Nope" I said, a bit annoyed.**

"**Oh, sorry."**

"**Don't worry its fine."**

"**On that note, who's the lucky lady?" I smiled as I nudged him.**

**He just laughed, "Single. Single. Single." **

**The teacher finally arrived and our class begun.**

**I realised what I was doing to him, if he liked me, it was sounding a lot like I liked him too. I would be misleading him, and I really couldn't afford to do that right now. He was my friend and I couldn't lose him. **

**He watched me as I thought, his brilliant green eyes watched intently. When I finally met his gaze, our eyes danced in each others, green and green, perfect harmony.**

"**You right?" his eyes reflected his concerned face. I was frowning. Oops.**


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7- **_**a new attraction, a rather handsome distraction!**_

**The feeling of being loved by someone of the opposite gender is an amazing thing, especially when that someone is truly amazing themselves. It is a feeling of euphoria, looking into their eye, not noticing that time is flying by. The way he holds you like you are only safe in his arms, the warmth of his body, the smell of his deodorant, the way he engulfs you with his gianormus arms. The way he jokes about you and makes fun of you, all the while with loving eyes and a beautiful smile. When he says he loves you; there is not a touch of regret, the words flow easily from his perfect lips. He simply takes your breath away. **

**But as you realise that no one is perfect and he makes his first major mistake, you forgive him, because you love him so. Time and time again, he speaks out of turn or says something stupid (as only boys can do) you begin to wonder, and your perfect man becomes tainted, just as a photograph gets damaged by the sun, and takes on a yellow tinge. **

**Finally, one day you snap, all hell breaks loose as you let out everything that has been annoying you, relevant or not, it is all the same. Have you ever wondered if you were the only one hurting? If he felt the same, or was he completely immune to emotion. **

**All relationships are mysterious at first; they are exciting, but as time goes on, they begin to feel more of a hindrance, rather than a blessing. Yet all girls, me included, practically line up to, in essence have our heart squashed over and over by boys that don't understand. Even if it's not their fault, or you break up with them, it is still the same; it hurts, but that's the way God made us, to desire the attention of the opposite gender and to feel the need for love.**

**The more I think about it, the more I loathe it. I loathe the feeling of complete happiness because I know that it is soon to be over and all that hurt will come flooding in. Tears and and the late nights of reading over journal entries, of dragging up old memories, because the perfect boy shattered my heart and he didn't even help me put it back together. But instead he goes off and flirts with some other girl.**

**The feeling of euphoria, the thing I have grown to hate returns when he holds me. I closed my eyes, relaxing.**_** "Get off me NOW!" I screamed, struggling against his arms, which continued to coil around me. I looked into his eyes and there, instead of a warm, loving feel, there was a bitter and angry disposition. He wasn't the person I thought he was. He wasn't going to let go!**_

**I blinked, letting my surroundings influence what I said next. I had had a nightmare. And obviously yelled rather loud, the twins were staring at me confused and intrigued. There also was Seth, whom I was quite surprised to see. "What?" I mumbled, sitting up. **

**The girls looked at me stunned, it was Seth who spoke.**

"**Nice dream?" he smiled, but the smile didn't reach his concerned eyes.**

"**No" I gasped as it all came flooding back to me, I winced.**

**I stayed sitting down for the next half hour feeling self conscious. Eventually the girls sent Seth out and went back to sleep. I was in the shower the moment they began to settle. I was afraid to sleep again, but I knew that Seth would be waiting for me outside, I remained in my dorm. I couldn't deal with him; I couldn't deal with the feelings that arose when I was with him. I had to know who the boy in my dream was, was it sky? Seth? Maybe someone I hadn't met yet? Could it be Reilly? I shuddered at the thought.**

**The sun was beginning to rise for the day, I peered through the curtain. Seth could not possibly still be outside, I ventured out; peeking around the corner just to check. From the seat outside my cabin, I watched the pinks and oranges splash across the sky lingering in the clouds. Suddenly the grass sparkled, every water drop reflecting its light. It was peaceful, I would never forget it.**

"**Today is what we call inspiration day" the director said over the loud speaker at breakfast. "We are making a journey to the local markets. You will be required to stay in groups of two or more." **

**Everyone seemed to enjoy this idea. I watched as people looked around the room, finding their partner. As I looked from boy to boy, not one of them was looking at each other, but at a girl. Was that all they thought of at this age? Everyone was smiling, except one frown, upon me. Seth. I should have known. Funny that as soon as he realised that I was looking at him, the frown vanished. Too late. **

**A bus was taken to the market. This was such an interesting place. Fresh food, gross food: Chickens hanging in the sills of the store, raw meats laid on plates, whole fish lying in ice. **

"**Go have fun!" the director called. It was like she just sprayed insect repellent and we were the insects. Scatter. Flee. Girls grabbed each others hands and grinned as only girls can do, before they ran down the crowded aisles. The boys just looked at each other and almost shrugged, and followed after. I was surprised that no one stopped for a minuted to take in the enormity of the market. There had to be thousands of stores all selling what they thought was the best product. It seemed that all the girls went straight to the middle aisle, the closest like they couldn't wait.**

**At the far side all the permanent shops stood, these were the ones that held the meats and a lot of the large items like lounges and dressers. Some of these stood right beside the meat shops, and on the other side would be a shop that was completely different. Like chalk and cheese. Irregular. Random. Abstract. Remarkable. Interesting. I still hadn't moved. Wondrous. Extraordinary. Phenomenal. Bizarre. Exciting. Astonishing. Unexpected. **_**Unexpected**_**. Marvellous. I could have stood there all day, painted a million pictures, come up with a countless amount of words to describe the moment. But that would ruin it. It was indescribable. I took my first step: the rough pebbles crunching under my shoes, the new smells, the fresh air that danced with my hair, the electrifying energy that arose with ever second. Another step: the new perspective of the busy shoppers, the shops that stood beside each other, entirely unlike, yet harmonious. An intriguing thought. I took slow steps, I started at the very far side; the first shop sold fabrics, designs so intricate, the fabric so soft. I went from shop to shop, stopping at each, giving them all a small piece of my time. If I liked something, I bought it; money seemed such a worthless object is such a place, yet it was the reason so many people were gathered here. Simple, yet so complicated. **

**I didn't want to recognise anyone, I didn't want to share this piece of my life with anyone. So when I passed a member of the camp I turned away, the nearest shop had my undivided attention; then as they passed I also passed onto the next shop. I had all these pieces of shops that I had visited. Bangles, fabrics, baskets, anything that caught my interest; as I said money seemed so unnecessary. **

**The person I was afraid to pass was Seth, knowing quite well that he would not let me pass by as just another shopper; and obviously the director, purely because she would send me off to find a group. I was at a shop that sold jewellery: silver, gold, wooden, rope, every piece that I touched had its own story. I found lots that I liked, buying them all, of course. I said goodbye to the woman at that store and turned to walk down the alley some more. Some girls and most likely boys too from the camp were approaching. Oh no. I recognised their faces: Jill and Sophie, not only them, but Seth as well. How amusing. He seemed to be soaking up their adoration and attention. They were not here for the same reason as I. I passed by, they did not even notice me. This was what I wanted, but why did it feel so wrong? Why did I want them to notice me, even though I would hide? They just kept walking. Not one shop did they stop at, not one moment did they look around and see all the amazing things waiting to surprise them. I did not fit in there. But why did I feel betrayed? I was running away from love, and they all seemed to be trying to find it. I was one step ahead; I had found it, frolicked in it, been too happy in it, then was dumped by it. I was afraid to find it again.**

**I was overjoyed that I did not run down the first aisle that was there, that I was able to reveal the mysteries and wonders this place had to offer. To see it all through untainted eyes: unbiased, with nothing to distract me. **

**Time passed quickly, I was so caught up in all the things that I never realised the time. It was half an hour passed the time we were supposed to leave. I was going to be in a lot of trouble, not only that but I had just ruined the schedule for the day. I jogged up the aisle and saw the car park a fair distance away; at least I knew I was going in the right direction. I ran faster, and faster until I was pelting down the walkways. I found the bus, all the students piled inside. The director decided she would deal with me later: Wonderful. I sat alone at the back of the bus, going back to my thoughts before realising the time: The way that I was avoiding love. I couldn't avoid it, it was so deep inside me, for my mother and father, and there was another. Someone that was closer than either of them, Reilly. **_**I love you too. **_**He whispered. I was suddenly alert that Reilly was listening. I froze, trying not to think, but I couldn't help notice the fact that this was the first time either of us was able to communicate with each other, except that one time at school. **_**I don't know either, but it will be okay. Trust me.**_** He spoke again, louder this time.**

"**Em." I looked up, dragging myself out of my thoughts. Seth was standing, wanting to sit beside me. I shuffled to the window.**

"**What are you thinking about?"**

"**The markets" I lied**

"**Cool wasn't it," he smiled**

"**How would you know" I murmured, under my breath**

"**I was there" he looked at me**

"**What?" I met his eyes**

"**I was there Emma, at the markets, just like you."**

"**Not really." I said quietly**

"**Huh?"**

"**You weren't really there." I said louder, more confidently**

"**Honestly Emma, sometimes you make no sense." He chuckled**

"**No really I do." I said flatly, "Did you see that really nice coffee place, it sold home-grown coffee beans? Did you see the stall that sold all that amazing glass sculptures? Did you even notice any stall? Did you buy anything? Did you even look up to see all the wonderful things?"**

"**There was nothing that I liked." he smiled awkwardly, "You seem to have bought tonnes."**

"**Would you like to see them?" I said casually, he nodded. I pulled out the bracelets, there was one really masculine one. it was a dark worn-out leather band, with other pieces buckled on.**

"**Wow, I really like that! What store was that from?"**

**I smiled smugly. "I got it from the bracelet store. I thought you didn't like anything?"**

"**I didn't see that." **

"**That's not what you said. You said 'there was nothing that I liked.'"**

"**What the hell is with you this arvo?"**

"**Did you even see me when you passed?"**

"**No, when was it? Emma, I was with Jill and Sophie. We were having really good conversations."**

"**Oh, my mistake."**

"**What did you do?" he asked, his eyes concentrating. **

"**It wasn't me that made the mistake this time--"**

"**It's going to be alright." he soothed**

"**What?" I snorted. "Let me finish. It was you; you were the one that made the wrong choice, the mistake."**

**He thought for a while. I glared out the window.**

"**Are. You. Jealous?" he looked confused, but sure and almost arrogant that he thought that I was that desperate for him. Ha ha**

"**Not at all," I said calmly. "I just didn't know you felt that way about the twins, I understand now. That you were just using me to get to the twins." This I said loud enough for the twins, who were sitting two rows in front of us, probably eavesdropping anyway. **

"**Emma." He hissed. I looked deep into his eyes, but I couldn't find anything. I got up from my seat, his hand reached for the seat in front of him, making a barrier. "Sit down" he hissed again. His jaw was clenched, wrinkles forming between his brows. **

"**No." I wasn't afraid to step over him if need be.**

"**Please?"**

"**No." I said more politely, I looked up to see how far we were away from the campus. The bus was pulling into the driveway. GREAT. I couldn't have been more pleased. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8- **_**Sent home **_

"**Emma, sit please," she managed to say this calmly. I did as told. The director was frowning, but it wasn't just 'you naughty girl', it was also 'I'm sorry'.**

"**Look, what you did today was very irresponsible. You proved that you did not respect us as leaders of this camp enough to follow our rules. You have broken a rule that we send people home for. I'm sorry Emma, please pack your things."**

"**Ok," I understood. "Do I need to call my mother?"**

"**No, we will contact her, and then she will come and pick you up. Now, you will go to your last class, and then pack up all your things. While everyone goes down for a swim in the waterhole, you will stay up here."**

**I nodded, leaving them to call my mother.**

**I walked quickly out of the class with all my paints and books. The last lesson was about the markets, but my mind felt distant. Well, not distant, it was there. So was Reilly, but I could not get the recent argument out of my head. It wasn't so much the argument, but more why I was so disturbed by him with them. Tomorrow the students were heading back to the markets with cameras: SLR's to capture what each of them saw in the place. What would Seth's contain? Jill and Sophie? Argh! I was jealous! I didn't get to have him. I had stopped walking and found myself standing under the tree right out side the studio I had just exited from. I looked up, dazed. Reilly saw through my eyes before I did. **_**DON'T LOOK! **_** He was shouting. HEADACHE! I chanted back. **

_**Oops. Sorry. **_

**I did finally see. Jill, the prettier of the two twins, walking hand in hand with MY Seth. Maybe it was all my fault; if I had realised earlier…**

**I discovered Reilly was silent, after telling me only a few hours ago that he loved me. I was off being confused about my feelings about Seth. **_**It is like a brotherly/sisterly love, you and me. **_** He told me. I smiled. **

**Seth looked up, his cheeks turned crimson. He dropped her hand, murmuring something while walking towards me. Jill watched after him, pouting.**

_**Poor baby.**_** I thought. I glared right at her; she dropped her stare and moved away.**

"**Emma." He smiled. **

"**Why are you smiling?" I frowned. I felt my cheeks burn. Opps. "Did I just say that out loud?"**

**His grin just grew. "So," he was suddenly serious, "where were we?" I looked at the tree to my right; the leaves were heart-shaped, with voluptuous pink blossoms. **

"**Emma!" he yelled at me, but I didn't respond. "You are about to leave in a few hours and that will most likely be the last time I see you! I want to resolve this. Will you at least pretend to listen for my sake? I might not deserve it, but it's not like you deserve an explanation either!"**

"**What! I don't deserve an explanation!" I snorted**

"**I don't have long, I will be quick—"**

"**Hurry up!" I interrupted him**

**He frowned at me. "Stop fighting with me. I will duct tape your mouth, just let me finish!"**

**I laughed sarcastically. "That was hilarious! Really. Do you think I would ever let you get that close to me?"**

"**You always made out that our 'thing' was just a friendship. Obviously it wasn't to me. But I respected you." He ignored me. **

"**Not really." I mumbled**

**He took a deep breath, "I don't like her that way."**

**He watched me. I kept very quiet and still. "Then why were you holding her hand?"**

"**To make you jealous, it worked right? I saw you at the markets. I find them both very annoying. They are like rotting dictionaries. Boring and no fun! You are like my favourite magazine, an exclusive edition. Do you understand?"**

"**You…arrogant…uncaring…retarded…loser-ish…insensitive…idiot!" I said clearly. "Why would I even give you the time of day?!" I stormed off around the corner of the building, I kept walking. Here, it was quiet, secluded with overgrown grass and straggily trees popping up from the ground. **

**I stopped, I knew he was following me, I could hear his steps behind me the whole way. I turned around to face him, ready to start my rant. In that one instance, I was blissful; jumping inside; enraged; unhappy; happy; crying; smiling. I was almost at a stage of satiety. I felt his cool breath mingling with mine; his arms were tightly wound around my waist. Mine were tangled in his hair. My eyes were open now, to see him staring at me like he got his prize. I was no prize. I let go and was struggling to get away from him. He let me go gently. Minutes went by: neither of us talked, neither looked up. Until I heard the grass crackle under his feet, I looked up and he was inches from me. I looked into his eyes. **

"**baby." He whispered lovingly. "You are here and so am I, lets make it last. This is our goodbye."**

**I craned my head up to his and pressed my lips to his. He put his arms under my bum and held me up. He kissed me back. I dropped my weight, he acted at once, letting me fall to the floor, he dropped into the thick grass soon after. I smiled and sat in his lap, facing him. I ran my hands gingerly down his chest. He reached for my lips again, I gave them to him. **

**I felt him reach down, I heard the zipper. **

"**Don't ruin it" I whispered as I caught his hands.**

"**Emma, I want you to be my first." He pulled back, confused.**

"**My first will be after I am married." I answered him.**

"**Marry me then?" **

"**This is our goodbye." I reminded him. I thought I heard Reilly sigh in relief. The time was running out, I couldn't stay here, with him forever. **

**I stood on the gravel driveway, my suitcases piled high around me. My mother hoped gracefully out of her Mercedes, the look on her face showed that of a disgraced mother all because of her reckless daughter. The director of the camp quickly intercepted her to have a quick word, they walked over to a nice bench under one of the big Poinciana trees. **

"_**Hey." **_

**I nearly jumped out of my skin. The fact that he could now communicate with me was going to get annoying. **

"**Yes, hi." I answered him mentally**

"_**How are you coping?"**_**  
"I am fine."**

"_**It's a shame I can't hear your emotions and thoughts, because that would make me so much more helpful--" **_

"**And intrusive," I answered and I heard a low chuckle.**

**The fact that I can hear his thoughts and he mine isn't so disturbing anymore. However I fear that if I become used to this intimate relationship between two minds, that I could lose him too. **

**Maybe I am just not supposed to share my life with another. It's like when ever I become close to someone they become too…possessive, or too bold. I just can't get it right, for all I know there isn't a match to my puzzle piece. **

**I want it so bad; I want the highs and euphoric bursts of having someone. I don't want the superficial stuff like with Seth, or the forced feelings that I made myself feel with Sky. I want the feeling that will last decades, the feeling that will hold strong over kilometres. The kind that endures all, that won't fade. **

**I need God. **

**What? Who? Where did that come from? I asked my self. The voice that said it was not my own, it was not Reilly's either. **

**I must be really tired.**


End file.
